To Take Offense

Lately Kim and I have spent a lot of time talking about the topic of taking offense from the actions and words of others. We all know the story, life is filled with misunderstandings and unkind words, deliberate or not, often these actions/words will leave us with a sour taste in our mouth or a desire to neglect or avoid interaction with the person or cause of our disgust.

We have found the words of Elder Bednar of great value in our quest to better be in control of this aspect of our lives, "When we believe or say we have been offended, we usually mean we feel insulted, mistreated, snubbed, or disrespected. And certainly clumsy, embarrassing, unprincipled, and mean-spirited things do occur in our interactions with other people that would allow us to take offense. However, it ultimately is impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else."

Kim and I are making an effort to choose not to be offended by the actions or words of others and even more importantly to not say or do anything that would offend those around us. This challenge has been especially difficult for me as I often speak before I think or pass judgment long before I put myself into the shoes of others. Empathy comes when we are able to shun selfishness, and by nature we are all most concerned with ourselves. I have found myself most often slipping with the people I care most about. My desire to be a part of their lives and a trusted support has led me to pass judgment too quickly on inconsistent actions or vagueness. This uncanny ability to jump to conclusions has led me to say things that are often times unwarranted or hurtful in some way.

My challenge to myself is a challenge I issue to all who read about our lives. Take an inventory of who we are and who we want to be, and work to turn our weaknesses into strengths. The happiest people in this world are those who do not wait for an opportunity to take offense but rather seek to add a kind word and helping hand wherever possible. Backbiting and gossip lead us to harbor feelings of discontent that if not resolved can serve as chains binding us down to life of feeling sorry for ourselves. Selfishness and pride with all of their ugly cousins destroy the soul and literally dam our ability to progress in this life which is our ultimate goal. (See Beware of Pride by Ezra Taft Benson)

As I believe we are all better served when a foundation of trust and respect (despite our differences) can be formed and built upon. I wish to apologize to all those who I have been the cause of these bitter feelings and I ask for forgiveness and another chance to return to the good graces of your thoughts, words to others, and actions.